Posted by: kiwitoast | February 23, 2010

How to write an apology post for your fans

We’ve all had a hiatus from anything. People come and people go. However, sometimes people just need a break to  contemplate the finer points in life. The world, the state of the economy, how stupid the scene in knowing was where that moose ran in slow motion, on fire. Whatever a case, you’ve got fans waiting for you, and you can’t disappoint them. So you know what you do? You write an apology!

1. Start off with a big fat sorry

No I don’t mean big and fat in the sense that you should make it bold, and make the font larger, although it does help. What you want here is to address your huge lack of competence, or incompetence, if you will. This grabs the readers attention so that you can continue to write something that you think is funny. In addition, add some stupid justification so your readers don’t feel like there are more important things than them, because everyone is as vain as a (simile).

Ex: Hey guys, I’m really sorry that I couldn’t have been around lately. I’ve just been really swamped with work recently and i just got The Sims 3. Honestly, it’s just so fun to get two women kissing in about 5 minutes. Makes me really reflect in the endless void of lack of relationships in my life. Blah blah blah, profound thing about the reflection of my teardrops which displays a mirage of emotion blah blah blah I’m really sorry blah blah blah.

2. Give some further explaining, then tell your audience that they’re the most important thing

Again, vanity is the most important thing in everyone. They say they don’t have any, but everyone has some sort of underlying obsession with themselves. However, before you compliment them you have to explain that you’ve had things to do so you can further justify that you would much rather have been writing posts for them on your mediocre blog that averages 3 hits a day, mostly because of an image from google.

Ex: Seriously, I’ve had tons of work. I have things to do in my leisure hours now, and that cuts off the time i can do things. Plus, I’ve had to play Sims 3 a lot. It’s a tough job, but somebodies got to do it. In addition, i watched some corner gas over again, and am grieving all over again over the end of it, but perhaps hiccups and Dan for mayor will remedy it. And, although I’ve had the time, I really didn’t have the inspiration. The blog so far has been a ton of posts that I thought of and was like, I want to write about this, but you know, some things take time to think about, so I’ve had to take a hiatus. Now, I know I let you down. You lack of people are my life! Like honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without you. So thanks, if you’re reading this.

3. Give a little story on what’s been happening lately, or some new material

You can’t just close off now, people come to your blog to find an apology? What? Exactly. This is why you need to give your audience a punch of material. Now if you do some sort of life blog, write about your life and nobody will care. If your blog is themed, say about cooking, grace them with a recipe you’ve discovered. If it’s a self help blog, write a self help article!

Ex: Read this post

4. Thank your readers for sticking with you

Your readers are why you write this blog. Unless you write it for yourself, in which case you’re better off just using a word document to write about your life. However, if you have a normal blog like normal people, write an apology for them. Tell them that’s you love it that they stuck with you through the hard and the rough. The thick and the thin. The first metaphor that didn’t really make sense and that I am realizing now.

Ex: You guys are so great, I really can’t believe you’re still reading. Unless you’re not, then whatever. But seriously, I’m so glad i still have readers to read my lack of a blog. I mean, it’s awful, but you guys make it all worth it. Blah blah blah other stupid pretending to care crap blah blah blah talk about the state of matter blah blah blah.

5. Close off

Now your apology is just about done, again you have to apologize, tell them a little joke, and really stress how much they mean to you.

Ex: Well, that’s all for now, but really, sorry so much, I mean, it’s not hard playing the Sims 3. And again, I’m really glad you guys are still here for me

Conclusion

In conclusion, apology letters are something that everyone should use. It not only bolsters the amount of posts you’ve made, but it also helps your audience know that you can pretend to care about them. Now get out there and screw someone over, and apologize!

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